Hello dear readers! I am feeling so hyped with spring finally in the air! That means it’s time for everyone to come out of hibernation and start playing. Now I’m not going to tell all my secrets in one post, but one thing that always makes me laugh is people not knowing how to utilize useful information or repeating history. So we are going stop that right now. Get ready to understand why a phone number is just a number! I have my vodka in hand, so grab yourself one and enjoy a Drink with Jess
You know, I tend to cater my segments to what I experience over the week, especially when I observe something that I know occurs often. This weekend, I opened the New Hope Celebrates fundraiser and I am fortunate to have had friends there to support me. Since it’s was a long sleepless week, I decided to be like Houdini and leave quietly after about 2 hours, because my bed was calling. When I got home, I received a text from one of my friends saying “I got a number.” No doubt my friend was excited about this, as we all get. And my friend is one that does things right, meaning she get’s the number and gets the date. But many times, we get the number and then… nothing. So today, I’m not only going to explain what to do after getting the number, but also why many times, someone gives you a number (especially women) even if they have no intention of going out with you.
So picture this, you’re out, maybe alone, maybe with friends, and someone catches your eye. Mustering up all your courage, you approach and have a good conversation. Hopefully minutes later (don’t wait too long), you get the number. Now I do have suggestions on getting to this point, but I’ll save those for another segment, because some people do this in a way that will ensure defeat. Anyway, you start getting a slew of questions running through your mind. Should I text her my number right away, should I text her later tonight, should I wait a day or two, or maybe I’ll just call. For some reason, not only do we get excited that someone gave us their number, but we see this as the prize. Well my friends, getting the number doesn’t mean getting the date, which is what you want.
So let’s get down to the nitty gritty. After you get the number, you can continue talking for a minute or 2 then excuse yourself and get back to the fun you were having before. If you try to stick around more, it seems encroaching and that you don’t have other things going on, it doesn’t give the impression (like me may think) that you’re interested, it’s more needy and desperate. And please, unless they tell you to, don’t text her right then and there saying, “I’ll text you right now so you have mine.” If she is interested, let her wonder when you’ll reach out. That my friends, is far more sexy. Personally I hate texting, but in this day and age, it’s common, but it definitely shows more confidence if you call. If you’re just looking for a booty call, then you’ll that person that texts or calls her later that night… so if you actually want to get to know her and take her out, just wait. Now there are no rules in how long. You can send a short text the next day saying it was nice meeting you, let’s get together soon. And leave it be. If she doesn’t respond, don’t keep hounding or sending some stupid message just to get a reaction. If she doesn’t respond, I’d call with a plan (date) in mind and leave it on voice mail. If no response, move on without a worry. You can’t get upset or depressed about no response, because you haven’t invested anything. Personally, I skip the texting mode most of the time. It’s not a way to have a conversation, at the beginning, its function is to set up a date, but again, I usually just call. Keep it short, have a day, time and place in mind. And if she isn’t available, don’t sweat it and don’t keep asking or trying to make other plans. If she is interested, she’ll come to you.
Now, many times people will give their number with no intention of going out with you, especially women. I’ve done it too, and there are various reasons. Maybe they are just not interested, or not enjoying the conversation so they give it to end the communication so they can get on with their night. Women especially are taught to “be nice, and be cordial” which translates to don’t hurt someone’s feelings. No one likes to reject people face to face. A big reason for this is that many times, if people say no or not interested, the person asking for the number reacts in a nasty manner and no one wants nor should they receive any backlash. So, they give the number but then never respond or pick up.
So what do you do if this happens to you? Again, as I always say, stay calm. No need to hound them, send tons of messages trying to find out why they aren’t responding. Just walk away and move to the next one. Don’t let your ego get in the way, because to be honest, you don’t want someone that doesn’t have an interest in you do you?
So go out and enjoy yourself. Keep getting those numbers and know that the result you want is getting the date. And if you have a problem calling those numbers, don’t worry. Just have another Drink with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.