What a wonderful weekend yet again. As usual, my energy was high, the days and nights were filled with great friends and many women. Being in so many different environments during the past two days, I had the fortunate opportunity to witness good and bad techniques in regards to approaching women. So fill a glass with something new, and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
Now, something that you may not know about me is that I was a pretty shy kid. I didn’t like to talk much with other kids, but I still managed to have a lot of friends that were more like family. Interestingly enough, my groups of friends are like that now. But as I look back, most of these people and I wouldn’t be friends unless at some point we approached one another. Now this is very important because when meeting someone new, we get scared. We are worried about what to say, we are scared of getting rejected (which is a useless fear by the way), and we are afraid that they won’t like us. The problem with these fears is that it either makes you not want to approach or you’re nervousness will show and there goes the attraction… right out the window!
One sight that I witnessed this weekend was a woman who I believe wants to ask out one of my friends. Oh lord, this lady needs some help. She would come over, looking uncomfortable and her behavior was awkward. She would stand there as we were sitting at a table. She would just stare at her, maybe asking a question or two once in a while, and would remain standing there with no conversation for a few minutes until she finally walked away. She did this several times during the evening. It was pretty creepy. I’m sure she is a nice person, but definitely lacking in the social skills area. So this is another incident like the “angry lesbian” moment where I must say “Please… don’t be that one!”
So what’s the secret to approaching women or even people in general? Tone it down and keep it relaxed. You see, way too many people see someone they want to approach and blow it because (and we see this in the lesbian community all the time) they think too big or about the end result that they want. So tone it down people! Why are you getting these grand future plans in your head when you don’t even know this chick’s name? Why do you want to ask someone out when you don’t know if you like talking to them? Why are you worried about the perfect line, when you’re probably in a club or at a party and can’t hear them anyway?
So here are some quick tips to make you more relaxed if you decide to approach someone. First of all, don’t hesitate; hesitating will make you more anxious, because you’ll be allowing time for negative thoughts to enter your mind, plus women can feel you looking, so hesitating will make you creepy in her eyes.
Second, as I said above, “tone it down.” Don’t focus on getting a date with her, just talk to her like anyone else to see if she’s a cool person. That’s all. Remember, you met your friends by approaching, so this should be no different. Besides, after talking you may not want to go out with her. Like I’ve said before, the choice is yours, not hers, so knowing this should lessen your fear of rejection.
Finally, there is no perfect line. Hell, most of the time words don’t matter (which is another blog topic entirely). Just in a relaxed manner, stay present, notice the environment around you or something about her, and comment on it. For example, there was a beautiful woman sitting at an outdoor bar that I was at, and she was ordering a drink and said no lime. Now this is pretty common, but she also said she was highly allergic. I looked at her and smiled while casually saying “I’ve never heard that before. And I thought being allergic to raw tomatoes was rare.” After that, we continued a great conversation. Easy as pie.
There you have it, my dear readers. Approach everyone! Whether it be smiling at someone as they cross the street, or approaching a group of people at a party, just do it! Keep it simple and natural! Notice your environment and stay present! And for God’s sake, if you see me, approach me too! And I’ll be happy for you to enjoy a Drink with Jess.
Well welcome back everyone! What a crazy few weeks. But, with every new day, I’m becoming more and more energetic! Of course with this positive energy, I’m noticing more and more people enjoying the new love that’s in the air. So with this feeling so prevalent, let’s talk about attracting it into your life! It’s time for the Holy Trinity! Pour the three wise men and get your soul ready for a Drink with Jess.
I’ve been receiving tons of emails lately on attraction, specifically the Law of Attraction. Now for those of you who don’t know me, I have a spiritual side that contemplates these universal laws daily. This is the most powerful law in the universe, because you get what you put your energy and focus on, whether it’s wanted or unwanted. Better said, like attracts like.
Now that doesn’t mean that you will attract someone just like you. Hell, if I wanted someone just like me, I’d stay single! Anyway, what I am saying is that you are a magnet. We all are. Energy, thoughts, emotions and vibrations are constantly given off, received and felt. Why do you think I always say that women “feel” you? And in regards to dating and relationships, the Law of Attraction in so interesting to witness. However, this is a topic that I could go on and on about, so I am going to let you know a few important aspects of this cosmic working.
1. The Law of Attraction is neutral. It doesn’t know negative from positive, so the first thing that is necessary for you is to not judge any outcome.
2. In order to utilize the law of attraction, you must be clear in your desires and intentions. Also, you need to make sure that your intentions are coming from your true authentic spirit and not from a superficial frame of mind. For more on this, check out this week’s segment of “I Know What You Want” on Mixcloud.
3. What you put your attention on, what you put your focus on, grows. And because positive energy has a higher, vibrational frequency, you want to add as much positive energy and enthusiasm into what you are thinking, saying and doing. Remember: “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek meaning “in God.” How’s that for power, right? For more on building up your positive energy, check out this week’s Tipsy Tuesday.
4. It’s not about having, it’s about being.
Wow, there really is so much more that I could create a lecture on this. But for your benefit, and to keep it simple, here’s an example of how this would work.
I decide that I am ready to date. The reason behind it, my true desire for love, is pure. In fact, I focus attention on being loving towards myself and others to a point where I know I have all the love that I need.
When you do such things as take care of yourself, and are grateful for all the good you have, you will show that positive outlook, and that sense of love will be seen by everyone. This in turn, will attract more love to you because as the law states, like attracts like. With this energy out there, a romantic love (if that’s what you’re looking for) eventually will come into the picture. But remember, if you desire love in its purest form, it can come from many sources, not just romantic.
With this being said, I challenge you to look at your desires, in order see if they’re pure. Put that positive energy and attention on them, and witness what happens. Just remember not to judge the outcome, just like I’m not judging you for wanting another Drink with Jess.
So after a great weekend with my crew in Rehoboth Beach tearing up the joint, I had a brief moment when I thought of how much I needed to recover. It wasn’t so much the lack of sleep or overconsumption of alcohol and bar food, but it was also the first time this season I was at the beach, which tends to make me go into overdrive. So, during all of Women’s Fest, I observed several interesting things and witnessed many events, but one of the most intriguing was the speed dating event at one of the bars. So get your flip-flops on, sit in the sand with an umbrella decorated drink, and enjoy Drinks with Jess.
I have never participated in a speed dating event, and this event was no exception. However, I knew one of the women running it and 3 of my friends were participating, so I figured I’d watch for a bit. It was such a strange phenomena. If you haven’t witnessed it, go one day. Some people are sitting at tables and remain stationary while others rotate. You have a 1-3 minute conversation with someone you don’t know, hoping to make a connection. The whistle blows, then you move on. It’s kind of a quicker form of a singles mixer, or in online experiences, it’s the tinder of online dating.
I’m witnessing this event, and some people dropped out during the preceding, so the announcer called me out and asked me to fill in. I use my conversation skills well in these situations, but since I wasn’t there to find a date, I ended up answering the question: how do you make a connection in such a short amount of time?
Remember what I’ve said in the past, women feel your energy in seconds. In addition to body language, voice inflexion and of course, your confident, positive vibe, here are my favorite three tips for the first-timer or the veteran engaging in these speed dating events.
1. Please don’t use “What’s your name?” or introduce yourself.
Seriously, you’ll already have name tags on. Your best bet is to look at the tag as she comes to the table, greet her by her name, or just start a conversation adding her name into it as you speak.
2. Stay away from the basic question and answer sequence.
Think about it. You have 3 minutes to live or die, do you go hard or do you go home? I’m not saying use a totally ridiculous or hypothetical question, but just start talking as if you already know them and let the questions or statements flow naturally about what’s going on around you.
3. Definitely go for the number or set up a date during those 3 minutes.
Yes, this is possible! I know some events have rules against it, but who doesn’t love a “rule breaker?” Besides, it’s better than the boring “it was great meeting you” line. During the convo, if you are enjoying her and want to know more, just go for it! And if you’ve read any of my previous posts, then you know that this alone, in 3 minutes, will demonstrate some sexy qualities!
So there you have it, folks! These tips, along with previous ones, will give you a great advantage in a rushed environment. In fact, you can use these tips at a mixer, club or restaurant. Hell, you can use this anytime, anywhere. Now grab that fruity drink, relax and give it a try! Join me next week for another Drink with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.