Hey hey folks! Another week begins, and I am very excited. Granted, I’m not fond to the slight chill in the morning air, but for some reason I’m ready for fall time fun. Since September is known for the start of a new school year, I want you to revert back to childhood… the care free days, and when you weren’t totally molded by your environment yet. So grab yourself some chocolate milk, spike it with Kahlua, and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
Now I want to be clear, this isn’t about you going crazy, running around and playing tag. When I say “revert back to childhood”, it will give you insight into something young kids are better at than any adult. And this one thing is very important in dating and relationships, in business, with friends and sometimes family. Kid’s know how to say “NO!”
I don’t understand how we’ve evolved into adults that are afraid or even get stressed out by the thought of saying “no.” But it’s time we find out how to and take our power back.
In dating and relationships, many (including myself) have had problems with this oh so common word, but why? You see, children are a blank slate. When young, all they know is what they want and need and have no problem communicating it. They are fearless in this, and man, are they confident! As they grow up, they are told to put others first, they learn about people’s reactions to what they say and do, and not just reactions of happiness, but also ones of sadness or disappointment. They soon learn that others are judging them. No one likes to feel as if they’re a bad person or not liked so for some crazy reason, they decide to become accommodating and become yes people.
And yet, we wonder why we sometimes get aggravated with the people we interact with. We are surprised when we feel as if a partner, a friend or a boss takes advantage of us. But my question is why are you surprised? You’ve allowed it because you didn’t utilize your right to say “no.”
So this week, I want you to start saying it. If there is something you don’t want to do, if there is somewhere you don’t want to go, if there is a favor that someone wants from you that is not up your alley, say no!
It doesn’t make you mean, and if someone doesn’t like you for it, then they aren’t worth your time. Doing this will give you your power back. It will show those you are pursuing that you have the ability to take care of yourself first. It will show that you value and stick up for yourself. It shows that you will speak your mind. Saying “no” is actually pretty sexy.
So if the person sitting next to you is complaining and telling you to stop blowing bubbles in your Kahlua-spiked chocolate milk, I say grab a refill, revert back to that kid confidence, say “no” and blow away. If it spills over, don’t worry… you’ll just have to join me next week for more Drinks with Jess!
Hello people! This was my final weekend of freedom, so I decided to take the time to write. As you have noticed, I haven’t written a blog in a while because I believe everyone needs a vacation. Plus, there are new additions coming to dwjphl this year that I needed time to plan out! For your information, Tipsy Tuesday will be coming back for season 2 with a whole new look (check out my sweet trailer!). There will be 12 episodes each releasing the 3rd Tuesday of every month. This blog is coming back every other week due to my soon to be released Drinks with Jess podcast. Ok, enough news, let’s get back to it and ease into Fall! It’s buttery nipple time, so enjoy a Drink with Jess.
I have spent years being not such a big fan of online dating. However, after assisting with an article and much research I’m starting to enjoy not only some dating sites, but Apps that have become popular due to our complete dependence on phones. It’s incredible when someone can’t believe that I love not having my phone with me 24/7. However, for the purpose of this blog, it’s not about which sites are best. It’s how to utilize any site to gain greater response. I happened to talk about this on my mixcloud segment ( I Know What You Want) this week in more detail, but here is a quick rundown of what seemed to get the most and best responses.
1. The Profile Picture
I can’t stand seeing the “action” shot, the “blurry” shot, the faceless “tit or dick” pic, the famous “one-eyed” selfie or the “that could be your sister or could be your girlfriend with you” shot. People want to see what you really look like.
Have a good face shot (have a friend take it), a half/full length shot, and if you want to include friends, make it a group shot and place it last.
2. The Headline
If you flip through, you’ll notice most people are “looking for the one” or a plethora of other common sayings in regards to a romantic search.
If you want to stick out, say something different and something about what you want. I have one that says, “A good glass of wine and a fire pit”. It’s different. It says I like wine and the outdoors. And to be quite honest, at the time of making the profile, that’s exactly what I wanted! So get creative!
3. The Summary
People hate this part. And sometimes, I hate reading it. I either see “ask me anything” which gives me no information to come up with a question. I see negativity about past dating experiences. Finally, I see people’s life stories.
My rule is “3rd time’s a charm”. Three paragraphs with no more than 3 sentences each. The first is about who you are. The second is about some things you enjoy. The third is about what qualities you seek in others. Leave the other info for date conversation.
Short and sweet, just like today’s post, or a buttery nipple body shot. Start with these quick tips to get you on your way to successful online dating. Have no fear, this is one of many posts on this topic, because I’ve become fascinated with the actual ins and outs. By the way, many people use apps that are just pictures like Tindr, Grindr and now HER (for the ladies finally!). These will be talked about more in the next post about starting online communication. Be honest... we all think it’s awkward to message someone we never met before, but there is a way to make it appealing. So top off your beverage, and join me next time for more Drinks with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.