We’ve all heard this saying. However, I think it’s funny how we tend to believe, remember and react to the words we hear. So here at Drinks With Jess, it’s time to get back to our primitive roots in order to examine this proverb, by speaking about body language and attraction. This is where non-verbal actions can communicate many different things. It not only conveys to others how you feel about yourself or how you are feeling in general, but it allows you to demonstrate to others how receptive you are to them as well. I’m going to break this down into a few important key body language tips. Most people don’t realize that body language can attract or repel within seconds. It is also approximately 55% of communication, as opposed to one’s tone of voice (38%) and the actual words we use (7%). The way in which a woman’s brain processes information allows her to be highly intuitive to recognizing facial expressions and voice (voice tone will be a separate topic). So in the case of body language, just think of the animal kingdom. And if you’ve never watched animals relate before, go outside and pay attention, or watch some animal planet.
I was out for St. Patty’s Day with friends, and I wasn’t talking to anyone because I was sick and my throat was raw. Every time someone walked by, I looked them in the eyes and smiled as they passed. Eventually, a beautiful girl came up to me and said “You’re my favorite here because every time I walk by, you look at me and smile”. This led to the exchange of numbers.
So what does this have to show you?
Body language is key. And not just for her, but for you too. I know you all just want to start practicing a bit to gain confidence and start to attract others. So here are my top 3 body language tips you can start using now.
Number 1 – Don’t slouch!
Remember your mom saying these words? I sure as hell do! Now, I understand why! Standing up straight signals confidence. Remember “power” or leadership and confidence equals sexy. Also, standing up straight with your shoulders back makes your stomach appear to be flatter if that is a “trouble spot” for you.
· Stance: Spread your feet apart, hands by your side or on your hips. This shows that you are relaxed. Don’t put them in your pockets- it implies that you’re hiding something.
· Sitting: Relaxed but straight. This allows many things: your clothes wont bunch, your gut won’t hang, and you won’t be putting yourself in a “little, submissive” position.
· Open Upper body: Whether standing or sitting, open your body by extending your arms instead of folding them. This will show that you are receptive to the person you are engaging conversation with. Don’t use your arms as a barrier or any other object.
When you sit or stand making yourself look small or hidden, you are showing how you feel about yourself, and a woman wants bold, big, and confident. Think of Oprah, Bill Clinton or many entertainers, they are big with their movements, powerful and confident, yet calm. Find what feels right for you and own it.
· Walking: Head up, shoulders back, chest high and relaxed arms at your sides, with a normal pace and comfortable stride. It’s better to approach or stand with someone at a 45 degree angle. Women find it aggressive to stand directly in front of them.
If you need an example, I suggest watching American Gigolo with Richard Gere. I just love him! And so do women, so check it out! Sometimes I even watch it before I go out to put that in my mindset.
Number 2 – It’s all in the eyes!
Check out celebrity photos, they all have this essential skill. They can talk with their eyes. Whether it shows joy or come and get me, they all have it. Think about it, we look at people when in a conversation, and as of now, you should be looking at yourself in the mirror at least twice a day. All the people from the past until now that have been commanding with women, have this intense look. Along with the smile, which we will get to next, you can’t go wrong.
So what is this eye thing?
· Soft and focused: When listening to a woman in her sincerest vulnerable moments when she wants to be heard.
· Intense eyes: This enables a mysterious darkness that can’t be resisted. It makes you want to want the person displaying them. Tilting your head down a bit helps. Your brow-line will create the perfect mischievous shadow.
Look at pictures of yourself. Look at your eyes. Are you displaying mystery, joy or a blank stare? Find the ones you like the best and try to display those eyes at any given moment. And for God’s sake, look every person in the eye that you come into contact with!
Number 3 – Use your mouth!
We love using our mouths. Now it’s time to use it from beginning to end. As you saw in the story before, women love seeing someone smile at them. Along with your eyes, the 2 together are a ticking time bomb of attraction. I love it when women tell me I have the sexiest mouth. So utilize it!
I resort to three that mix with my eyes.
· Soft eyes: I portray with somewhat a smirk.
· Mysterious eyes: Sly smirk on my face as if I know something you don’t know.
· Smiling eyes: This is a full-fledged smile, showing off my pearly whites.
Remember, the one thing that turns people off is an angry looking lesbian, so don’t be one!
This is not everything about body language; we have only scratched the surface. But, it will start you on your way. Do it with coworkers, friends, family, girls you are attracted to, the toothless guy in aisle 5, I don’t care! Do it consistently and at all times. Whether I’m talking to my students or principal, my sister or my best friend, my exes or mere acquaintances, I do this 100% of the time! It’s amazing when doing so little attracts so much. Hope you enjoyed another drink with Jess.
With the launch of DWJPHL.com and its first blog, I couldn't think of a better subject to start with than positive energy. This is one of the biggest components when it comes to attraction regardless if it’s dating, business, finance or plain happiness. As many have stated, the energy that you put out there, comes back to you. So what actually is this fundamental law of attraction all about, and how does one use it?
First, I’d like to share a story with you and how this is applies to real life. I was at a friend’s “major” catholic wedding. It was long, mass was included, and the reception was not what I was use to. I mean, my family is dancing before hors d’oeuvres are served and having a great time. Anyway, the music was ok, but no one was really dancing or socializing. Obviously, these were not people who created Broadway. However, a Pitbull song came on and everyone surrounded the dance floor. They were laughing, clapping and enjoying themselves because of what they saw: two catholic nuns were dancing it up hardcore! It was so great; that I still look at the video I recorded just to up my spirits. They put out so much positive energy that it was something that everyone wanted to be a part of and it was contagious.
So when it comes to attraction, a woman wants someone who is positive about themselves, about life and loves to enjoy themselves. If you think about it, do you want to date someone who is negative and complains, or has no motivation or aspirations? Someone who is positive is a passionate person, and that, my friends, is completely sexy. Many women I meet or have dated usually first comment on my energy; this is because women feel everything and can make a quick decision, we are talking within seconds, based on how they feel. If you put positive, fun energy out there, they will feel it and be attracted to it… just like the nun story from above. In addition, when we meet someone that we’d like to date, we seem to say “I wasn't even looking for it”. Most likely, you were out with friends, having a great time, and it was a group of friends enjoying and multiplying that positive feeling. Others see it, feel it, and wham! You meet someone. So this is truly an easy task to complete.
To get myself in a positive frame of mind, whether going out by myself, going to work, or meeting up with friends or a date, I have my repertoire. First, I take the time to get myself ready. I mean I totally use this first step to show myself some love! I pour some wine, put on music that excites me, makes me feel sexy, and even makes me sing or dance as I get ready. When I do this for me, it shows the way I feel about myself and extends to others. After I’m looking and smelling good, I look in the mirror, look in my eyes, smirk or smile, and tell myself the reasons I am great. Seriously, I've been doing this for years, and do it in the morning and at night every day. Kids say that they don’t feel loved or supported because their parents never tell them. Well, as an adult, be your own parent and tell yourself all the great things about you! Tell yourself that you are proud of your accomplishments. After a few weeks, it will make a world of difference in your confidence and naturally heighten the energy you put out there. Finally, if I’m going out with friends I tend to shoot them a fun, flirty text because it gets us all amped up and laughing before we even get to the bar, party, restaurant or any other establishment. We always say “the party starts when we get there," and we make sure that is the case every time!
So ladies (and gents, if you’re reading), get positive! Get excited! Grab a drink, and take the time to make yourself feel good every day! Send out that good vibe you just created from within and be sexy doing it! Thanks for enjoying a drink with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.