What a wonderful weekend yet again. As usual, my energy was high, the days and nights were filled with great friends and many women. Being in so many different environments during the past two days, I had the fortunate opportunity to witness good and bad techniques in regards to approaching women. So fill a glass with something new, and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
Now, something that you may not know about me is that I was a pretty shy kid. I didn’t like to talk much with other kids, but I still managed to have a lot of friends that were more like family. Interestingly enough, my groups of friends are like that now. But as I look back, most of these people and I wouldn’t be friends unless at some point we approached one another. Now this is very important because when meeting someone new, we get scared. We are worried about what to say, we are scared of getting rejected (which is a useless fear by the way), and we are afraid that they won’t like us. The problem with these fears is that it either makes you not want to approach or you’re nervousness will show and there goes the attraction… right out the window!
One sight that I witnessed this weekend was a woman who I believe wants to ask out one of my friends. Oh lord, this lady needs some help. She would come over, looking uncomfortable and her behavior was awkward. She would stand there as we were sitting at a table. She would just stare at her, maybe asking a question or two once in a while, and would remain standing there with no conversation for a few minutes until she finally walked away. She did this several times during the evening. It was pretty creepy. I’m sure she is a nice person, but definitely lacking in the social skills area. So this is another incident like the “angry lesbian” moment where I must say “Please… don’t be that one!”
So what’s the secret to approaching women or even people in general? Tone it down and keep it relaxed. You see, way too many people see someone they want to approach and blow it because (and we see this in the lesbian community all the time) they think too big or about the end result that they want. So tone it down people! Why are you getting these grand future plans in your head when you don’t even know this chick’s name? Why do you want to ask someone out when you don’t know if you like talking to them? Why are you worried about the perfect line, when you’re probably in a club or at a party and can’t hear them anyway?
So here are some quick tips to make you more relaxed if you decide to approach someone. First of all, don’t hesitate; hesitating will make you more anxious, because you’ll be allowing time for negative thoughts to enter your mind, plus women can feel you looking, so hesitating will make you creepy in her eyes.
Second, as I said above, “tone it down.” Don’t focus on getting a date with her, just talk to her like anyone else to see if she’s a cool person. That’s all. Remember, you met your friends by approaching, so this should be no different. Besides, after talking you may not want to go out with her. Like I’ve said before, the choice is yours, not hers, so knowing this should lessen your fear of rejection.
Finally, there is no perfect line. Hell, most of the time words don’t matter (which is another blog topic entirely). Just in a relaxed manner, stay present, notice the environment around you or something about her, and comment on it. For example, there was a beautiful woman sitting at an outdoor bar that I was at, and she was ordering a drink and said no lime. Now this is pretty common, but she also said she was highly allergic. I looked at her and smiled while casually saying “I’ve never heard that before. And I thought being allergic to raw tomatoes was rare.” After that, we continued a great conversation. Easy as pie.
There you have it, my dear readers. Approach everyone! Whether it be smiling at someone as they cross the street, or approaching a group of people at a party, just do it! Keep it simple and natural! Notice your environment and stay present! And for God’s sake, if you see me, approach me too! And I’ll be happy for you to enjoy a Drink with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.