Spring has sprung, people! This means warmer weather, new experiences, and fun to be had. However, sometimes with the explosion of pent up energy we tend to forget that it may be a full moon. You see, I had a very interesting experience this weekend. As I said to a friend of mine, “something is bound to happen.” Well, grab yourself your drink of choice, because we are going to discuss being judgment free and unshakeable during this installment of Drinks with Jess!
Now, I try my best to be non judgmental. And as human beings, we can’t help but place a “good” or “bad” label not just on people, but on their behaviors or just about any occurrence that comes our way. For some reason, this weekend was a complete display of this mental process. Just as if we are holding a grudge or labeling a previous relationship or partner, many people tend to label the present and future situations. I’m not sure why, but they do. So allow me to explain.
Although I was originally planning to have a “stay-cation” last weekend, I, of course, can’t help wanting to have a great time with my crew. Hell, we are the party. Anyway, we decided to go to a bar/restaurant that we have never gone to together. In fact, I have never been before, but they were having a ladies party and we figured it would be nice to be around new faces for the night. Besides, I’m always up for something new and exciting.
However, a few hours before going to New Jersey, I found out that my “previous” was going to be there as well. Now, it’s been over a year, and as much as I loved her, I got my closure and have since moved on. But as I said before, like the craziness of full moons, when you are feeling great, enjoying life, and have your shit together, something is bound to happen. This knowledge of course, stopped me dead in my tracks, because I started to judge what the night would be like. I caught myself thinking that this was a small place and it’s inevitable to bump into each other. I judged this possibility as “bad” because most of the time, running into an ex for the first time is uncomfortable... even in a large space. I also judged it as a bad situation because even though I knew how I would handle it, my friends were unsure. In fact, one friend saw the attendee list, and wasn’t sure if she should tell me. Another friend asked if I wanted to go somewhere else to avoid the situation. Their apprehension and lack of confidence in me and my reaction made me think that it should be judged as a “bad” situation.
However, have no fear! I am an extremely secure and confident person. I also snap myself out of negative thinking pretty quickly. All I know is that I look good, I’ve accomplished a lot more than I ever expected this year (I love setting goals), and there is no reason to not be calm and cordial. So this occurrence can also be judged as “good.” It’s good in the aspect that it allows me to remember who I am, and that I have the power of choice. Many people have this strange notion that when unexpected or undesirable things occur, they have no power or control. These are the people who will judge a situation as “bad” to avoid all accountability. Screw that! That’s not me, and it never will be!
The point here is, every situation can be seen as “good” or “bad.” But instead, try to just see it as an event that gives you the opportunity to demonstrate who you want to be in relation to it and the people involved. Relationships aren’t just between people. We relate to everything, all of the time and everywhere.
Oh, so how did it end? Unexpectedly. As far as the time that we were there, she didn’t show, and I’m not going to say if that was “good or bad.” With that, dear readers, don’t judge how tasty your last drink was, just pour yourself one more and hope you look forward to having more Drinks with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.