Hello readers! I hope everyone enjoyed winter storm, Jonas (seriously, that was the name), and that you are quickly seeing grass again. If you are in other parts of the country or world, next time it snows, I’m leaving town! I did, however, take a few days to decompress and enjoy a staycation full of movies and naps. I do enjoy afternoon naps, just like I enjoy an afternoon cocktail. So make a batida in a pineapple or coconut cup, pretend you’re on vacation, and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
During the wintery weekend, I took the time to catch up with friends as I was stuck indoors. Disconnected from the internet for a few days really worked wonders, which leads me to, you guessed it, old school communication! So, in true Jess fashion, I want my post to give you some helpful tips.
That’s right! It’s called a phone! Oh yes, we know how to facebook, tweet, email, text and use any other form of social media to communicate via these devises. However, you can also make a call! Who knew?
The cell phone has become our life and a great way to stay connected, but in the dating world it doesn’t form a connection. Sure, you can use dating apps to scan potential partners or even find a hook-up within a few miles radius when you are out-and-about, but it takes more than that to intrigue someone. And now, I’m determined to help you out with this.
Maybe my day to day observations of the younger generation add to the disappointment I feel in regards to the technological highway. I see young people every day who have social anxiety. They are afraid to talk in public, they can’t look someone in the eye, and they certainly aren’t growing into confident adults that will approach someone who peaks their interest. I understand this is a general statement, and I know there are exceptions, but for the most part, people in general need to learn how to have a voice!
Let’s take the time to understand how to progress from that dating app or dating site to an actual date. First and foremost, you see someone’s picture or profile and visually, you find them appealing. Now some apps are only pics so this can be a bit tricky, but if a written profile is included, please read it to see if this person meets your initial criteria.
Take the time to message them. Not just with a “Hey” or “You’re cute”, but with an interesting and short message. Save your life story for phone and face to face dates (sparingly)! Message once, then leave it be.
If or once they get back to you, it needs to be a quick procedure. Usually they’ll ask how your day is. Stay present with what’s going in your world right now to continue the conversation. You may exchange a few messages over the course of a day or two, but most people don’t feel like checking these apps all day. This is when you give your number and tell them to “feel free to text or call anytime.”
This may happen right away or within a few days, most people will text. Of course both of you are testing the waters and getting to know bits and pieces of information about each other. This may create a superficial bond, but to form something more appealing, they need to hear your voice.
Remember, thirty-eight percent of communication is voice tonality. It shows a lot about the type of person you are. We all use different tones of our voice to convey confidence or insecurity, happiness or sadness, love or anger. We also utilize our higher fun-loving tones and our deep sexy voices.
This very fact is why the phone call is so important, not only when you are getting to know someone for the first time, but also throughout your dating experiences and relationships.
So after a day or two of text, do yourself a favor and MAKE THE CALL! Don’t make yourself anxious by practicing what you’re going to say (I’ve done it, and it never comes out the way it’s practiced), just stay casual like you’re speaking to a friend. Most of all, use this call to ask that wonderful person out! After your first date, I expect a full report when you join me again for Drinks with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.