Welcome once again, everyone! I hope that everyone enjoyed their first half of summer, and is ready to really knock the 2nd half out of the park. During my mixcloud segment this week, I began to explain briefly about the different types and stages of dating and relationships. It amazes me how many people don’t actually decide on what type of relationship they want. I hope you’re in a daiquiri type of mood (if not, add a colorful umbrella to your glass)! Sit back, relax, and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
As you already know, my presence is everywhere. I continually get offers and asked out by perfect strangers. Each offer is different. Some want a one night stand, some want to casually date, some want FWB and some have even asked if I’d marry them. Several of these come from women I don’t even know. I have my way of doing things, and I know what type of relationship I want. I also know how I want my dating and relationship experience to go. Today, I want to encourage all of you to decide what you want, so you can seek it.
Now, you may be asking, “why is this so important?” Well, imagine you meet someone and you are enjoying the flirtation during the evening. You love being single and don’t want to get into anything deep at the moment. No matter what the reason, you may be only interested in a one-nighter just to keep yourself satisfied for the moment. If that’s what you want, and you own it, that’s perfectly fine. However, the other person may, in their mind, want more. Engaging with this person may lead to some unnecessary problems later.
You see, the importance of knowing and deciding what type of dating/relationship experience you want will also allow you to choose the people who adequately fit into and want the same experience. Think about it: how many times have you been in a situation that ends up with you feeling resentful, agitated, or even blamed or blaming someone else for things not turning out the way either person wants? It’s because you expect the other to be on the same page when it hasn’t been discussed. Or better yet, you both may have put it out there that you agree with the type of relationship or interaction it is, however, in the back of your mind or the other person’s, one of you may not be perfectly honest about what you want. There is always the person that thinks it will change one day or has an "I can change their mind" mentality. Please don’t get yourself caught up in this.
So whether you are the one night stand person, the exclusive relationship person, the casual dater, or any of the other types... OWN it! Be HONEST about it with yourself and anyone you interact with. Make the firm decision of what type of experience you seek and if someone you like doesn’t want the same type of interaction, let them go with ease and grace so both of you can seek the potential partner that fits best. Now finish that delicious daiquiri, and join me again next week for more Drinks with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.