Like many of you, I too am tired of this cold weather. Although I have managed to get out and about, I have also spent much time at home searching my mind for my latest topic. Fortunately, cold weather, cabin fever and boredom led me to Facebook for some entertainment and experimentation. So sit back, fill a glass with Patron XO Café with a splash of Bailey’s, and have a Drink with Jess.
So back to my story of boredom, entertainment and today’s topic: rejection. Let me paint you a picture. I’m going through Facebook posts and many lesbian groups that I belong to start certain “games” that include posting a picture. One of these was called “date or pass.” You drop a picture and see what comments flow. Most of mine were “date,” and there were 2 “passes,” which is fine with me. I didn’t do this to feed my ego or calm some insecurity. I, quite frankly, was bored out of my mind and wanted to see what the hoopla was with people continuously partaking in these games. One person happened to make an unnecessarily rude comment, and as I looked at others’ posts, I noticed that many people make rude remarks. Talk about people feeling rejected. So I decided to delve further into this topic, because many people don’t really understand why rejection is so feared, how it holds someone back, and finally, how to truly handle it.
Think about it. You’re out with your friends, having a good time, and spot a woman you’d like to talk to. You keep trying to make eye contact, making her feel creeped out, and then you don’t expect to get rejected when you approach? Or even worse, you take too much time figuring out what to say and then don’t even bother going for it. Your fear of rejection is making you reject yourself! I’ve never quite understood why people fear the word “no.” After seeing such rude comments when women post pictures on Facebook, “no” is a breeze to handle. First of all, it’s not that you fear her saying “no” or “not interested” when you talk to her, it’s everything that goes along with it. You fear that she’ll then make fun of you to her friends, or that you’ll feel stupid for not saying the right thing or showing your nervousness. You also fear that you’re not attractive enough or bring enough to the table. The problem with this is that you don’t even know the girl, and you're acting like it will be the most embarrassing moment of your life like a 12-year-old middle school kid with a zit. This is nothing more then a lack of confidence in yourself, and it also shows a lack of confidence in others.
For many, this anxiety is so great that it stops them from approaching women. It stops them in many aspects of life in addition to dating. It stops people from personal and professional achievement, it stops people from having the life they want, and this “fear” can be a person’s worst enemy. So right here, right now, say “yes” to yourself! As I stated above, the only person who can reject you is YOU! Others may not be interested. Sometimes they even make you think that they are interested just to end the conversation. Women can be polite like that. But seriously, haven’t you ever gotten a phone number, made the call, and it went to voicemail? She never called back, and now you feel rejected! Now, before you get sad and ask yourself what went wrong or get angry: stop your whining, breathe, and remember... you made the call, so you didn’t reject yourself! That is the most important fact!
So what’s the best way to handle rejection? First and foremost, stay calm. There is no reason to get rude and retaliate. In fact, that is the most unattractive thing you can do. It makes you look like an angry sociopath, so please don’t do it! Remember this; you certainly aren’t interested in everyone that approaches you, so why are you worried about someone not being interested in you when you approach them? True confidence is knowing how great you are, and that being rejected won’t kill you. It’s about being able to walk away, because you’re not going to sweat or chase after someone who doesn’t want you, because at that point, you won’t want them. Sometimes this can actually work in your favor.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.