Hey hey folks! Another week begins, and I am very excited. Granted, I’m not fond to the slight chill in the morning air, but for some reason I’m ready for fall time fun. Since September is known for the start of a new school year, I want you to revert back to childhood… the care free days, and when you weren’t totally molded by your environment yet. So grab yourself some chocolate milk, spike it with Kahlua, and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
Now I want to be clear, this isn’t about you going crazy, running around and playing tag. When I say “revert back to childhood”, it will give you insight into something young kids are better at than any adult. And this one thing is very important in dating and relationships, in business, with friends and sometimes family. Kid’s know how to say “NO!”
I don’t understand how we’ve evolved into adults that are afraid or even get stressed out by the thought of saying “no.” But it’s time we find out how to and take our power back.
In dating and relationships, many (including myself) have had problems with this oh so common word, but why? You see, children are a blank slate. When young, all they know is what they want and need and have no problem communicating it. They are fearless in this, and man, are they confident! As they grow up, they are told to put others first, they learn about people’s reactions to what they say and do, and not just reactions of happiness, but also ones of sadness or disappointment. They soon learn that others are judging them. No one likes to feel as if they’re a bad person or not liked so for some crazy reason, they decide to become accommodating and become yes people.
And yet, we wonder why we sometimes get aggravated with the people we interact with. We are surprised when we feel as if a partner, a friend or a boss takes advantage of us. But my question is why are you surprised? You’ve allowed it because you didn’t utilize your right to say “no.”
So this week, I want you to start saying it. If there is something you don’t want to do, if there is somewhere you don’t want to go, if there is a favor that someone wants from you that is not up your alley, say no!
It doesn’t make you mean, and if someone doesn’t like you for it, then they aren’t worth your time. Doing this will give you your power back. It will show those you are pursuing that you have the ability to take care of yourself first. It will show that you value and stick up for yourself. It shows that you will speak your mind. Saying “no” is actually pretty sexy.
So if the person sitting next to you is complaining and telling you to stop blowing bubbles in your Kahlua-spiked chocolate milk, I say grab a refill, revert back to that kid confidence, say “no” and blow away. If it spills over, don’t worry… you’ll just have to join me next week for more Drinks with Jess!
Hello people! This was my final weekend of freedom, so I decided to take the time to write. As you have noticed, I haven’t written a blog in a while because I believe everyone needs a vacation. Plus, there are new additions coming to dwjphl this year that I needed time to plan out! For your information, Tipsy Tuesday will be coming back for season 2 with a whole new look (check out my sweet trailer!). There will be 12 episodes each releasing the 3rd Tuesday of every month. This blog is coming back every other week due to my soon to be released Drinks with Jess podcast. Ok, enough news, let’s get back to it and ease into Fall! It’s buttery nipple time, so enjoy a Drink with Jess.
I have spent years being not such a big fan of online dating. However, after assisting with an article and much research I’m starting to enjoy not only some dating sites, but Apps that have become popular due to our complete dependence on phones. It’s incredible when someone can’t believe that I love not having my phone with me 24/7. However, for the purpose of this blog, it’s not about which sites are best. It’s how to utilize any site to gain greater response. I happened to talk about this on my mixcloud segment ( I Know What You Want) this week in more detail, but here is a quick rundown of what seemed to get the most and best responses.
1. The Profile Picture
I can’t stand seeing the “action” shot, the “blurry” shot, the faceless “tit or dick” pic, the famous “one-eyed” selfie or the “that could be your sister or could be your girlfriend with you” shot. People want to see what you really look like.
Have a good face shot (have a friend take it), a half/full length shot, and if you want to include friends, make it a group shot and place it last.
2. The Headline
If you flip through, you’ll notice most people are “looking for the one” or a plethora of other common sayings in regards to a romantic search.
If you want to stick out, say something different and something about what you want. I have one that says, “A good glass of wine and a fire pit”. It’s different. It says I like wine and the outdoors. And to be quite honest, at the time of making the profile, that’s exactly what I wanted! So get creative!
3. The Summary
People hate this part. And sometimes, I hate reading it. I either see “ask me anything” which gives me no information to come up with a question. I see negativity about past dating experiences. Finally, I see people’s life stories.
My rule is “3rd time’s a charm”. Three paragraphs with no more than 3 sentences each. The first is about who you are. The second is about some things you enjoy. The third is about what qualities you seek in others. Leave the other info for date conversation.
Short and sweet, just like today’s post, or a buttery nipple body shot. Start with these quick tips to get you on your way to successful online dating. Have no fear, this is one of many posts on this topic, because I’ve become fascinated with the actual ins and outs. By the way, many people use apps that are just pictures like Tindr, Grindr and now HER (for the ladies finally!). These will be talked about more in the next post about starting online communication. Be honest... we all think it’s awkward to message someone we never met before, but there is a way to make it appealing. So top off your beverage, and join me next time for more Drinks with Jess!
Hello readers! How many of you wait around for someone before you make your own plans? How many of you voice when your partner has disappointed you only to then still do what they want? How many of you are starting to act like no one else in this world exists? How many of you jump faster than a frog in a pond as soon as they say spontaneously that they want to see you tonight? Well I have been bombarded with observations and stories over the past week that I just have to be short and blunt about this. It’s time to understand the all too common act of placing people on pedestals. So fill that glass with your choosing and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
Now I have been guilty of this very act, and you know I’m not shy about my experiences. Thankfully, I’ve only done this with 2 people in my entire dating/relationship past. In addition, when I have acted like this, and placed these women above me, I realized it and got sick of it pretty quickly. What bothers me the most is people who treat these potential partners like God later blame and even bad mouth the other for taking advantage of them. Get this straight people, while there are people in this world that aim to take advantage of others, most of the time we allow it by treating them like a precious piece of art. So stop it! I’m going to explain both sides of the story to make this very clear.
Let’s start with the person who puts others on the pedestal. And yes, I get it. You get excited by this new person, swept off your feet and feel like you’re on top of the world, especially if you’ve been on a dating hiatus for a while. And like a dog sniffing another furry friend’s butt, you want nothing more than to keep this person’s attention and affection. You put the other first and at the same time, this shows them that you have little respect for yourself, so why would they respect you? To be quite honest, people do this out of fear. And what we fear is the known, not the unknown. By this I mean, you now have this “special someone,” and you don’t want to lose them because you know what it feels like to go through a break up, you know what it feels like to be lonely and sexless, and you know what it’s like to have to get yourself back together in order to enter the sometimes complicated dating pool. With this knowledge, you try to control it by worshiping this person so you can avoid this. However, this isn’t going to work. If you simply look at history, everything that reaches the top eventually falls!
Now the person who is being put on this pedestal like they are perfection, actually hates it. If they don’t, I’d question the type of person that they are. At first, they may enjoy the adoration, but because you don’t say “no”, they can get away with anything they want. Not that they want to take advantage, but you’ve set it up that way and they continue living their life to the fullest while you sit and wait. Here is a secret: Sooner or later, the person on the pedestal begins to feel guilty because they feel and know deep down that they aren’t this perfect person deserving of the extreme adoration you bestow on them. Once this happens, they break away… game over. The other event that takes place is that they lose respect and attraction for you. People want someone with a backbone, someone who is confident enough to stand up for themselves, someone who respects themselves, and if you aren’t showing these qualities… again… game over!
So what can you do to stop yourself from this situation?
1. Make your plans and live your life. If you plan a date, wonderful. But don’t cancel plans when all of a sudden, they become available. Don’t wait around until they are available. You deserve a fun life too.
2. It’s ok to say “no.” If you don’t want to go to their family BBQ, it’s ok to say “no.” If you don’t want go to dinner this week because you’re lacking funds, it’s ok to say “no.” It amazes me that little kids say “no” to everything, yet adults feel bad for doing it.
3. Don’t justify poor behavior. If your partner disappoints you, voice it. I’ve been guilty of this. Think about it, you’re friends (if they’re true) will call you out on this as well. For example, you’re partner makes very little time for you yet have plenty of time for their friends. When your friends mention it, you reply with something like “well, she’s just been really busy lately because 3 of her friends are celebrating birthdays this month.” It’s one thing to be understanding of life’s little obstacles, but there is a point where you are allowing this behavior to keep the peace.
Respect yourself because you are in charge of showing people how you deserve to be treated. Take responsibility for your part in this by not placing someone on a pedestal. No one enjoys it anyway, because in hind sight, we all took Physics and know that “what goes up, must come down.” Now throw a lime (or garnish of choice) up in the air, catch it in your glass on its way down with the feeling of accomplishment, and join me again next week for more Drinks with Jess.
Welcome once again, everyone! I hope that everyone enjoyed their first half of summer, and is ready to really knock the 2nd half out of the park. During my mixcloud segment this week, I began to explain briefly about the different types and stages of dating and relationships. It amazes me how many people don’t actually decide on what type of relationship they want. I hope you’re in a daiquiri type of mood (if not, add a colorful umbrella to your glass)! Sit back, relax, and enjoy a Drink with Jess.
As you already know, my presence is everywhere. I continually get offers and asked out by perfect strangers. Each offer is different. Some want a one night stand, some want to casually date, some want FWB and some have even asked if I’d marry them. Several of these come from women I don’t even know. I have my way of doing things, and I know what type of relationship I want. I also know how I want my dating and relationship experience to go. Today, I want to encourage all of you to decide what you want, so you can seek it.
Now, you may be asking, “why is this so important?” Well, imagine you meet someone and you are enjoying the flirtation during the evening. You love being single and don’t want to get into anything deep at the moment. No matter what the reason, you may be only interested in a one-nighter just to keep yourself satisfied for the moment. If that’s what you want, and you own it, that’s perfectly fine. However, the other person may, in their mind, want more. Engaging with this person may lead to some unnecessary problems later.
You see, the importance of knowing and deciding what type of dating/relationship experience you want will also allow you to choose the people who adequately fit into and want the same experience. Think about it: how many times have you been in a situation that ends up with you feeling resentful, agitated, or even blamed or blaming someone else for things not turning out the way either person wants? It’s because you expect the other to be on the same page when it hasn’t been discussed. Or better yet, you both may have put it out there that you agree with the type of relationship or interaction it is, however, in the back of your mind or the other person’s, one of you may not be perfectly honest about what you want. There is always the person that thinks it will change one day or has an "I can change their mind" mentality. Please don’t get yourself caught up in this.
So whether you are the one night stand person, the exclusive relationship person, the casual dater, or any of the other types... OWN it! Be HONEST about it with yourself and anyone you interact with. Make the firm decision of what type of experience you seek and if someone you like doesn’t want the same type of interaction, let them go with ease and grace so both of you can seek the potential partner that fits best. Now finish that delicious daiquiri, and join me again next week for more Drinks with Jess!
It’s Tuesday morning, the birds are singing, and it’s finally rain free. After a fun-filled 4th of July, I’m ready for a break. Have no fear people, just like life, my mind never stops! It’s about 7am, so for today, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
If you haven’t listened to my mixcloud segment “I Know What You Want” this week, you may want to check it out (lesberealradio.com). You see, I spoke about the difference between being aggressive and assertive. It’s amazing to me that many people don’t know the difference. However, rather than talk about these opposing characteristics, I like to emphasize the positive because that has a greater effect on your dating life.
I will premise by saying that being aggressive is NOT attractive. I repeat. Being aggressive is NOT attractive. However, assertiveness is. So as I enjoy another cup of Joe, here are a few things that will explain how to be assertive in the dating scene.
1. Believe in yourself in every aspect of your life. Assertive people can bet on themselves 100%. They are self-assured and have a positive view of themselves and life. They stand firm in who they are and what they want in dating. How does this work in the dating scene? Well, take a look at number 2.
2. Be bold. Because they are so in tune with themselves, this means they are completely confident in taking risks. This is such a bad ass quality. Assertive people will approach someone but not try to seek their approval. The assertive person will be the one deciding whether the approached meets theirs. For example, if I start a conversation with a woman and I notice she makes fun of others in a judgmental way, that’s where the interaction ends in my eyes. I took the risk, but still stay true to who I am as a person.
3. Reject or get rejected with grace. Whichever one of these is occurring, the assertive person walks away with grace. There are no nasty comments, name calling, or even hounding to try to change or control the rejection. They won’t chase. They are certain about 2 things in this situation. They aren’t going to continue on with someone who doesn’t fit what they want, AND, they aren’t going to put their interest into someone who isn’t interested in them. When you look at these 2 beliefs, there is no reason not to handle either end of rejection without grace.
Again dear readers, this starts with you. Take the positive avenue. Leave behind the aggression and start being an assertive person. Whether it’s in dating, in family life or in business, your confidence will shine through, and experience more positive outcomes. If you want detailed information on this along with much more, grab a copy of “Seeking Her, Knowing You” available on Amazon.com and Kindle, and make sure you join me next time for more Drinks with Jess.
Happy Tuesday fellow readers! It seems like it’s been way to long that we’ve chatted, but even I need a vacation to recharge my batteries. And since we have all heard the great news of gay marriage being the law of the land, it’s time to celebrate! So grab a glass of champagne and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
With the arrival of this monumental moment, I have seen an influx of people not only in great spirits but also striking voices of desperation. Yes, I said it… desperation. One part of my mission is to help people see the best of who they are and then to go after the people or relationships that they want. It all starts with you. It starts with the relationship you have with yourself. As you know, I have no shame, and I have seen the best and worst of me (and fortunately, so have others). Sharing is caring is the saying, right? So why is this particular post so important? This contains the essential steps to get you ready to embark on your quest for love!
You see, many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. And with the ability to marry now, I have been witnessing a “need” that people claim to have in regards to finding someone to complete them. Right here, I am telling you that the only person you need is you. When you base your thoughts and actions from a point of lack, it will not produce in your favor. Wanting to be in a relationship, get married or whatever it may be, is a desire. Desire sparks intention, and this gives you the choice to take action. So what better way to go after your desires than to know exactly what they are. This makes you accountable for your own journey.
Take a good look at yourself with these steps. Do some soul searching. Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others.
1. Ask yourself what type of relationship you truly want. To be honest, some people actually enjoy being single and don’t want a full-fledged relationship. Others want the whole until death do us part. This will allow you to choose suitable partners with the same desire and you’ll be less likely to not be on the same page. No one likes to get heartbroken.
2. Get right with yourself. Look at the type of behavior you’ve displayed; all of it! Looking at the good and the bad will allow you to choose who you want to be in relation to the people and occurrences throughout your life. This includes how you behave in the dating/relationship scene. If you’ve been a sappy doormat, admit it. If you have been the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend admit it. If you’ve played people, admit it. If you’ve been insecure, admit it! This again allows you to choose the type of person that you want to be.
3. Know the qualities you’ve witnessed in the people you’ve dated and the qualities you actually desire. If you’ve dated people who took advantage of you, admit it and stop dating those types of people when you see the behavior. If you’ve always enjoyed someone who has a creative quality, keep engaging with those people.
4. Know your boundaries and your expectations. This is important to set early on. If you don’t want to date someone who “flakes” on plans the majority of the time, then don’t. The great thing about expectations or boundaries is that this makes you accountable and can’t place blame on anyone but yourself. If someone keeps “flaking” for example, and you keep trying to make plans with them, then that is you not keeping to your own expectation and boundary. Why hold yourself back by continuing with this person when there are others that won’t flake.
5. Get active. Go out there and start talking to people. If someone is interesting, make a date. If they don’t want to go out with you, don’t harp my friend. There are plenty of people out there that you’ll mesh with. Just stay true to who you are and what you want and you can’t go wrong.
Yes people! It’s an exciting moment and the spirit of summertime love is now upon us! Do yourselves a favor and grab a copy of my book “Seeking Her, Knowing You,” and get ready to start your journey with more detailed information on the steps above. I want everyone out there to find love! Just remember, it starts with you! Now, raise that glass and cheers to you. Thanks for joining me for Drinks with Jess!
Hey everyone! It’s been a busy and amazing two weeks, full of new experiences that caused much reflection. Now I know that sometimes, I go off on a tangent, but I do believe that an experience can relate to many other aspects of our lives. You see, a part of expressing who you are and what you want is knowing the strength that you have. It’s about standing up for yourself with conviction. This isn’t only a quality that is attractive in the dating scene, but it is also necessary in business, with friends and sometimes with family members or people you don’t even know. So make a classic martini (one of the original tough guy drinks) and get ready to grow a spine while having a Drink with Jess.
To kick this off, I want to say thanks to all the readers and listeners out there. I enjoy seeing your Facebook comments and the thousands of emails that I’m receiving. However, at some point last week, I happened to get some very unsupportive, downright nasty, and slanderish comments from a few people in a certain Facebook group which I will not mention. Now I do believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion and to voice it, and that I can’t control what anyone says. So what does this have to do with dating and relationships? It is important and attractive to stand up for yourself. Have a backbone, but with character.
In this particular situation there were 3 ways that I could choose to handle it.
1. I could have replied back with just as much ego deflating, name throwing, and accusing to shut them down, but many times this enables more fighting which I don’t enjoy. Plus, I believe in bringing people together, not tearing them down.
2. I could have ignored it all, which many people say is the correct choice, and for many matters I agree. But when it comes to slander or defaming someone’s character, I’ll take a stand.
3. I could have, which I did, replied in a way that isn’t retaliative, but demonstrates my belief in myself and my work. I didn’t have to throw names around or any other harsh opinion I may have had. I handled it calmly and with integrity.
So in a dating situation or relationship situation, hell, even in a business situation, we often hear others acting harshly or reacting to someone else in a retalitative manner. It’s like I say, no one likes an angry lesbian. Don’t be that one! Even if you are standing up to the person that you are dating, having a backbone solely means standing up for yourself, your beliefs and your opinions. Don’t do it in a mean attitude-driven way, but in a calm and confident manner. This not only shows that you can handle yourself, but that will show your partner that you don’t take crap from anyone. This is the true tough guy mentality, not douche bag mentality. Plus, your partner or potential partner will know that you will stand up for them as well.
Go back in your mind, take a look at how you’ve handled yourself in situations where you did or could have stood up for yourself. Take a look at your actions or reactions on the scale of jellyfish to hero shrew. Seriously, the hero shrew has the strongest spine of all animals! And by all means, calmly sip that martini and join me again for Drinks with Jess.
I really do enjoy my weekends. They always give me a plethora of ideas to talk about, and this weekend was no exception. I have to admit, I had one of the best Saturday nights that I’ve had in a long time. I won’t go into it, of course, but I do want you to get ready to feel a connection. So, in the spirit of warm fuzzies, make a fuzzy navel and enjoy Drinks with Jess.
Women are attracted to those whom they feel a connection with. This one is tricky, because what does it take to make them feel connected? I already discussed how people feel attracted to people via body language and voice, but here’s another secret – it starts with you! Remember, we teach others how to treat us. We equally lead them to feel a certain way about us and around us. So here are my top 10 things that women need to feel and create a connection, and your part in it.
1. She wants to feel positive around you. Be confident, be excited about life, and display high energy. When you have fun, laugh and don’t take life too seriously, this allows her to see you, herself, and the world in a positive light too.
2. She wants to feel that you see her and understand her for who she truly is. Don’t try to impress her. Don’t try to hide. See the true self that you are so you can see it in her.
3. She wants to feel comfortable and safe around you. Let her be herself around you. Let her express her thoughts, feelings, and opinions without worrying about being judged or getting hurt.
4. She wants to feel sexy and desirable, and she wants to feel desire for you. Being confident in your own sexuality and showing that you know that her sexuality is hers to own, she will feel more confident in expressing it.
5. She wants to feel your support. Don’t try to fix her, rescue her, or fix a problem that she is having. Let her handle her own situations and issues, but be willing to “hear” her when or if she decides she wants to tell you about it.
6. She wants to feel free of obligation. Be genuine when doing something. Don’t have any expectations of getting something in return, so she won’t feel obligated or pressured into doing something because you did something for her.
7. She wants to feel equal. Don’t make her feel beneath you, and at the same time, don’t put on a pedestal. Treat her as the human being that she is. Although, a little charm does go a long way.
8. She wants to feel like you’re on the same team. A great way to establish this is using body language when observing your surroundings together by standing or sitting side by side.
9. She wants to feel secure. Stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and by all means, voice your opinions. She’ll know that you’ll stand up for her as well.
10. She wants to feel certain about you. Do not doubt yourself for one minute about anything! Do not let your insecurities take over. If you doubt you, she will doubt you.
So there you have it, dear readers! These are my top 10 things that women need to feel in order to create a connection. For more detail on these concepts, check out my book, “Seeking Her, Knowing You.” But without a doubt, I want you to feel all warm and fuzzy inside by joining me again next week for Drinks with Jess!
This week I decided to talk about something very important… YOU! This is so essential that I call this week the “Triple Threat!” The reason valuing yourself, your opinions, and yes, your time, is that it shows you love and value yourself. It shows that you are decisive. It shows that you have strength, confidence, and integrity. Think about it, why would others value you unless you value yourself? So grab your refreshment of choice, and join me for a Drink with Jess.
Since I spent most of my holiday weekend relaxing, I spent a lot of time investigating my past relationships, behaviors, memories, and much more. Maybe it was the extreme amount of contact or “run-ins” with exes over the past week that provoked this, but either way, it served its purpose. This week I talked about valuing yourself as far as physically and mentally. It’s so important to do this for you, instead of basing your value on others’ opinions. And then, I realized I wanted to delve deeper, leading me to this week’s video on valuing your opinions! But what is the one thing that most of us forget to value? Our time!
Whether in a business situation or a relationship, it seems that the mental construct of time tends to be of least importance. However, since I am talking about why it’s important to value your time when dating or in relationships, let’s look at the common occurrences.
You are first dating someone, and for some crazy reason, you think that if you don’t spend all your time together, you’ll lose them. You miss out on friends and family, change your plans, or as if some black hole has swallowed you up, you disappear from the world only to think of your existence as this new relationship. We all have done this at one time or another and we must admit, how often did that lead to a lasting relationship?
Another thing that happens is that we jump at the chance to see the other person when they ask, but have yet to understand why they don’t jump at the chance to see us when we have a spur of the moment fun idea or even try to plan a date in advance. This only ends up leaving you with the feeling that you are now being used or have become a doormat.
Finally, whether dating or with a long term partner, when they consistently run late, and you allow it, you show that you don’t value your time and as a result, neither will they.
Valuing your time, among other things, shows that you value you. Now, let’s take each of the three and see what you can do and how this can aid in attraction. It’s doesn’t take a genius to see in the first example all you have to do is be confident that you won’t lose this person, if you still take time to hang out with others. First and foremost, if they did leave, then they weren’t the person for you. Secondly, it shows that you have a life and this is something that women find attractive. Last but not least, you won’t seem clingy, which will earn you extra points in the attraction category. So keep having your own life, don’t spend every minute together, and let someone miss you and wonder what you are up to!
The second example is one of my personal favorites because this was something that I used to do. When I constantly tried to make plans with someone and they kept flaking, I would jump at the chance to see them as soon as they asked. Thankfully, I realized that I enabled this situation to occur, which led me to change my behavior. But, this saying “how high?” as soon as they say “jump” reeks of desperation. So, how do you handle this situation, value your time, and let them know that you won’t just “run” to them as soon as they ask. Ask to have plans made in advance once in a while. Don’t be a doormat, women don’t like it! They like someone with a spine, so value your time and say “no” when you want and need to!
Finally… being late. This is my pet peeve, but simple to correct. It’s one thing if it doesn’t happen often and hopefully they let you know as early as possible that they are running late. However, when you notice that it becomes constant, say something about it. If they can’t value your time, you must. Again, having a backbone is an attractive quality, so speak up for yourself.
So there you have it, dear readers! Between all the segments this week, you are now worth more than all the money in the world. Value you, value your opinions and after reading this, you better value your time. In fact, take some time away from that girl or your partner next week and enjoy another Drink with Jess!
Well people, I’m finally caught up on my sleep after spending the weekend celebrating New Hope Pride! What a weekend it was! With so many different events, this led not only to meeting a ton of new people, but gave me plenty of time to observe. So in the spirit of people watching, grab a margarita in a bucket, (apparently that was my favorite for the weekend) and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
As I alluded to, I love people watching. In fact, body language is one of my all time favorite topics! There is nothing better than watching how people act and react in and out of their natural habitat. Seriously, the discovery channel should make a show of this, displaying humans as wild animals! To continue, after observing body language at its best and worst, I decided to use that for today’s Tipsy Tuesday video. However, one element that I haven’t discussed is your voice.
Didn’t you hate listening to your voice as a kid? Remember those God awful tape recorders and answering machines? I bet you still probably hate leaving messages for people. Well I’m here to tell you to get over it, because voice tonality is an important part of communication, and yes… attraction.
So I’m going to give you the break down, fast and easy. We are animals. And in the world of animals, what you feel takes precedence. They are in-tune with the present moment, vibrations, their environment, and other animals. Women, like animals, base their decisions on how they feel at any given moment. In this capacity, it’s necessary to understand that non-verbal communication is 98% of our communication. Body language (including facial gestures) accounts for 55%, voice intonation is a stable 38%, which leaves the words we say at a measly 7%. I think it’s hysterical when people are afraid to speak to someone or are worried that they won’t know what to say, because it really doesn’t matter! Hell, I observed some of the most ridiculous drunk conversations where you couldn’t make out half the words, and God knows at that point many couldn’t control their bodies, but voices could be heard and felt!
Since I spent many years studying and obtaining my degrees in language and linguistics, today, I want to utilize my education. The big key here is intonation (please don’t use inflection, it’s not the same)! Ok, so voice intonation is simply a variation of pitch, and other prosodic elements, that don’t distinguish words, but indicate emotions and attitudes. Think about it, when people speak, it’s simply vibrations that we as listeners feel. You can hear, or better yet feel, if the person speaking is depressed, happy, excited or horny.
Understanding how to speak, mixed with great body language reaps amazing results when wanting to attract someone. Put passion and energy in your voice, practice different volumes that you feel convey certain feelings. For example, when I am out people feel my confidence, my directness, my positive energy and my excitement through my voice. Whether I’m telling a story, having a basic conversation, or simply just saying hello, my intonation is dynamic and robust, yet playful and kind. Think about the best speaker that you’ve seen, the topic or words you may not care about, but if they speak well and utilize good intonation you’ll sit up and listen!
Great voice intonation is much more natural when you’re talking about something that you’re passionate about! Remember, words don’t matter because she’ll feel your passion through your mouth (in more ways than one)! So start practicing in the mirror! Practice talking to yourself or record it as if you’re rehearsing for a speech on your favorite topic. Pay attention to your voice. Notice how you speak around friends and family. But by all means, sure you keep wetting your whistle having a Drink with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.