Hey hey folks! Another week begins, and I am very excited. Granted, I’m not fond to the slight chill in the morning air, but for some reason I’m ready for fall time fun. Since September is known for the start of a new school year, I want you to revert back to childhood… the care free days, and when you weren’t totally molded by your environment yet. So grab yourself some chocolate milk, spike it with Kahlua, and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
Now I want to be clear, this isn’t about you going crazy, running around and playing tag. When I say “revert back to childhood”, it will give you insight into something young kids are better at than any adult. And this one thing is very important in dating and relationships, in business, with friends and sometimes family. Kid’s know how to say “NO!”
I don’t understand how we’ve evolved into adults that are afraid or even get stressed out by the thought of saying “no.” But it’s time we find out how to and take our power back.
In dating and relationships, many (including myself) have had problems with this oh so common word, but why? You see, children are a blank slate. When young, all they know is what they want and need and have no problem communicating it. They are fearless in this, and man, are they confident! As they grow up, they are told to put others first, they learn about people’s reactions to what they say and do, and not just reactions of happiness, but also ones of sadness or disappointment. They soon learn that others are judging them. No one likes to feel as if they’re a bad person or not liked so for some crazy reason, they decide to become accommodating and become yes people.
And yet, we wonder why we sometimes get aggravated with the people we interact with. We are surprised when we feel as if a partner, a friend or a boss takes advantage of us. But my question is why are you surprised? You’ve allowed it because you didn’t utilize your right to say “no.”
So this week, I want you to start saying it. If there is something you don’t want to do, if there is somewhere you don’t want to go, if there is a favor that someone wants from you that is not up your alley, say no!
It doesn’t make you mean, and if someone doesn’t like you for it, then they aren’t worth your time. Doing this will give you your power back. It will show those you are pursuing that you have the ability to take care of yourself first. It will show that you value and stick up for yourself. It shows that you will speak your mind. Saying “no” is actually pretty sexy.
So if the person sitting next to you is complaining and telling you to stop blowing bubbles in your Kahlua-spiked chocolate milk, I say grab a refill, revert back to that kid confidence, say “no” and blow away. If it spills over, don’t worry… you’ll just have to join me next week for more Drinks with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.