I am completely appalled. The other day I happened to come across a video that was quite disturbing. A butch lesbian was on a corner, when all of a sudden a car passes and she notices her, I would assume, recent ex in a car with another girl. The butch lesbian starts yelling and throwing a fit. She wouldn’t let the car move and was ready to fight. It amazed me that so many people act this way and think it makes them look strong and tough, hopefully thinking that their ex will return or at least say “I’m sorry.” Well, ladies, get ready to talk about real strength. Grab a swig of Johnny Walker and have a Drink with Jess.
Especially at the beginning of dating, one of the qualities that women are attracted to the most is strength. Reading the depiction above, this clearly is not the behavior that demonstrates real strength, nor is this the behavior that anyone in their right mind would be attracted to. All it does is make you look like a crazy sociopath that has no cool. So what are the components of this enticing quality? Strength is determined by 2 factors, your confidence and your leaderesque behavior.
I have talked about confidence before, so this is an easy one. When you know who you are, when you know what you want, when you know your expectations, your boundaries, and your own worth, you can stand true to that first and foremost. The woman in the above example displayed nothing but insecurity with her deplorable behavior. If she knew how great she was and had a positive mindset about herself, then she would have been confident enough not to care what her ex was doing or who she was with. All she made me see was a blow to her ego and how fragile she is. Besides, no matter how the break up happened, an ex is an ex, so don’t worry about them.
In order to build your confidence, try reframing your mind. Repeat to yourself often how great of a person you are, remind yourself of your accomplishments, and remember that whether someone isn’t interested in you, or a relationship ends, you know it’s their loss and that you’ll bring a lot to the table with the next lady that comes along. To be honest, confidence is easy to exude as long as you believe in yourself and don’t let other people determine your value.
Now on to the second component: how to be a leader. Imaging a world leader, a CEO of a company, or someone who just knows what they want and goes after it. Leadership is making a clear decision and being proactive about it. Think about it this way. If I decide that I want to get a Ph.D., I apply to programs, believe in myself, and don’t stray until I accomplish my goal. I’m not doing this for anyone else; I’m strictly doing it for me. Regardless if some schools reject me, I keep on until it’s complete. That, my friends, is a leader. I make my own decisions with ease because I know I can handle any situation that comes my way calmly. Leaders do what they want and do it their way. Leaders don’t follow the herd, they create their opportunities.
So in order to develop the leader in you, take time to know what you really want whether it relates to business, education, relationships, or life in general. Set your goals that you want and put the effort towards achieving them. When it comes to the dating arena, decide if you want to approach a woman and do it without worry about what she’ll think of you. If you want to take her out, set the date and you plan where to take her. Remember a leader knows what they want, so when it comes to a date, go where you want to go. Trying to plan a date on what you think she wants rarely turns out well, especially if you don’t know her. Besides, trying to please her will only come out as insincere in her eyes. Sincere gestures actually show confidence because you are doing something that you want to without expecting anything in return. When you try to please her, most likely you want something from her. Don’t be that lesbian! Dating isn’t a business transaction!
So go out there. Learn about yourself. See the best in yourself. Value yourself. Decide on what you want, declare it and go after it with ease. Be that confident leader in every aspect of your life at all times. This way, you will remain cool and collected and never have to worry about being the above crazy lady whose shameful reaction shows nothing but weakness. This is strength! So muster up all of your determination, take one last shot, and join me again next week for Drinks with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.