Happy Tuesday fellow readers! It seems like it’s been way to long that we’ve chatted, but even I need a vacation to recharge my batteries. And since we have all heard the great news of gay marriage being the law of the land, it’s time to celebrate! So grab a glass of champagne and enjoy a Drink with Jess!
With the arrival of this monumental moment, I have seen an influx of people not only in great spirits but also striking voices of desperation. Yes, I said it… desperation. One part of my mission is to help people see the best of who they are and then to go after the people or relationships that they want. It all starts with you. It starts with the relationship you have with yourself. As you know, I have no shame, and I have seen the best and worst of me (and fortunately, so have others). Sharing is caring is the saying, right? So why is this particular post so important? This contains the essential steps to get you ready to embark on your quest for love!
You see, many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. And with the ability to marry now, I have been witnessing a “need” that people claim to have in regards to finding someone to complete them. Right here, I am telling you that the only person you need is you. When you base your thoughts and actions from a point of lack, it will not produce in your favor. Wanting to be in a relationship, get married or whatever it may be, is a desire. Desire sparks intention, and this gives you the choice to take action. So what better way to go after your desires than to know exactly what they are. This makes you accountable for your own journey.
Take a good look at yourself with these steps. Do some soul searching. Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others.
1. Ask yourself what type of relationship you truly want. To be honest, some people actually enjoy being single and don’t want a full-fledged relationship. Others want the whole until death do us part. This will allow you to choose suitable partners with the same desire and you’ll be less likely to not be on the same page. No one likes to get heartbroken.
2. Get right with yourself. Look at the type of behavior you’ve displayed; all of it! Looking at the good and the bad will allow you to choose who you want to be in relation to the people and occurrences throughout your life. This includes how you behave in the dating/relationship scene. If you’ve been a sappy doormat, admit it. If you have been the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend admit it. If you’ve played people, admit it. If you’ve been insecure, admit it! This again allows you to choose the type of person that you want to be.
3. Know the qualities you’ve witnessed in the people you’ve dated and the qualities you actually desire. If you’ve dated people who took advantage of you, admit it and stop dating those types of people when you see the behavior. If you’ve always enjoyed someone who has a creative quality, keep engaging with those people.
4. Know your boundaries and your expectations. This is important to set early on. If you don’t want to date someone who “flakes” on plans the majority of the time, then don’t. The great thing about expectations or boundaries is that this makes you accountable and can’t place blame on anyone but yourself. If someone keeps “flaking” for example, and you keep trying to make plans with them, then that is you not keeping to your own expectation and boundary. Why hold yourself back by continuing with this person when there are others that won’t flake.
5. Get active. Go out there and start talking to people. If someone is interesting, make a date. If they don’t want to go out with you, don’t harp my friend. There are plenty of people out there that you’ll mesh with. Just stay true to who you are and what you want and you can’t go wrong.
Yes people! It’s an exciting moment and the spirit of summertime love is now upon us! Do yourselves a favor and grab a copy of my book “Seeking Her, Knowing You,” and get ready to start your journey with more detailed information on the steps above. I want everyone out there to find love! Just remember, it starts with you! Now, raise that glass and cheers to you. Thanks for joining me for Drinks with Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.