I witnessed something amazing this weekend. I observed one of my concepts of attraction occur first hand. You see, I’m always observing my environment- however, I’m so use to just being me, which many times, I have to take a few moments at a later time to reflect. Thankfully, being a Spanish teacher who loves literature, the literary genius Cervantes, surprisingly hit the nail on the head when he used the proverb in Don Quixote (1615), al freír de los huevos lo verá (“you will see it when you fry the eggs”). This proverb stems from the 14th century proverb; the proof of the pudding is in the eating. I love proverbs! Now, you are probably thinking that I am making no sense at this moment, but bear with me. You’ll definitely need to settle down with a brandy for this one. It’s cold, so warm up, get comfy and have a Drink With Jess!
Are you drawn to someone who just stands against a wall while out at a club or bar? Do they create any sense of wanting or mystery in your mind? Probably not. Would you be creeped out or hesitant if someone out of the blue, came up and tried to “hit” on you, in a sneak attack type of way? Probably yes. You see, one of the core concepts of attraction is value. I’m not speaking about the value you have for yourself (which will be a separate topic), but in this particular post, I’m going to examine social value or what is sometimes called social proof.
So, I want to get back to my weekend tale. I had a lunch date at one of my favorite spots. I go there so often, I know the managers, bartenders, wait staff and tend to run into many patrons that enjoy a chat with me. The woman I was with noticed how I engaged with everyone. Shaking hands, giving hugs and for as much time as needed, interacting with everyone on an individual and personal level. The woman I was with watched this phenomenon with approval. I can’t help it. I am a social woman, and I love that about myself. In an instant she said, “It’s like you’re the mayor”. In retrospect, this isn’t the first time I have heard this. I actually hear this often. And this, my dear readers, is the essence of social proof.
You see, it’s not about being popular; it’s about the quality of the interaction. It about how you make others feel in the present moment when they are around you. It’s about how you show others how you feel about them. It’s about how other women who are witnessing this feel about the type of person that you are. Now if you are good at this, the women watching you like you have a target on your forehead will feel desire. They will want to get to know you, because they will be intrigued by why so many others are enjoying their time with you, and they’ll want to be a part of it. Of course this means that your interactions must be natural and positive. Women can also smell bullshit from a mile away, so don’t try to fake it.
I dated a woman over a year ago, and this is what started my observation of social value. I still remember our first date. We were at a wonderful restaurant in Philly and seated next to a couple. I smiled at them and said hello and continued my date conversation as usual. After she excused herself to the bathroom, I continued to chat and make friends with the couple next to us. By the time she returned, we were laughing and having a good time, and she was pulled into the conversation. The next day she had mentioned that the couple was so intrigued with me, it was amazing and that the first time we met, the one thing she noticed was how my friends and everyone in the room adored me and could tell that I genuinely adored everyone I interacted with. This, my friends, is social proof at its best.
Earlier I mentioned the proverb; the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Not only is demonstrating the concept of social value successfully, but this applies to the women you want to attract as well. Their determination of wanting to be engulfed in you is partly in witnessing how you relate to others because they feel that’s how you will relate to them as well. If you are seen in a genuinely positive light by others, and others are seen in a positive light on your end, then they will feel that they will be seen as positive by you.
So get out there! Start socializing! Engage honestly and genuinely! And make sure to join me again for Drinks With Jess!
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.