Sure, there is a raw sexiness. Yes, they dress better and have amazing accents. Unknown and exotic. It’s easy to get swept off your feet by a foreigner. We all say we love going on vacation, but it’s not just to unwind. It’s for the excitement of the culture. Right here, right now, I’m going to uncover just what makes us fantasize about that love affair with that enticing stranger who speaks in a foreign tongue. So make yourself a mojito and have a drink with Jess.
I have studied foreign cultures for many years. I guess it has always been a fascination of mine, from the music to the food, their thoughts on the world around them, and most recently what makes foreigners so attractive to women and men here in the US. Although I like to focus on the lesbian community, I decided to encompass men and women, straight and gay, and allow this to be a casual discussion on what makes foreigners, in general, so damn sexy.
After taking to the streets for some informal interviews over the past few weeks, I have encountered many responses that make sense. It also allows me to see how differently I function, behave and believe, than the typical American lesbian. My normal behaviors and passions reflect more foreign cultures than American.
So let’s get down to it. I will start off by saying that this is general, and that there are always exceptions. However, as many other cultures around the world think American women are easy or American men are unintelligent, beer guzzling, football watching baboons, with no class, we have the reputation of also being non-cultured, egotistical workaholics as a whole. Again, there are many of exceptions. So while you are taking your date to a dive bar, others around the world are drinking wine, dancing and talking. Yes, talking! You won’t see people more attached to their cell phones than their date in other countries. But I digress.
I am going to be very direct and concise with this information, to make it simple. In general, people from foreign lands have great qualities that differ from ours. They have a passion for life. They enjoy sharing what the world has to behold. I once heard a story from an old professor of mine from Spain. He and his friends wanted a beer, so they got in a car and drove to Germany to enjoy the best. Here in the US, we walk to the local pub for a Coors light (such a shame). In Italy, Italian guys will spend the day playing football (soccer) at the park, go back to someone’s house and cook a great meal together. Our guy’s bonding includes watching many unfit dudes tackling others in the dirt and celebrating that with high-fives instead of a kiss and hug goodbye.
In Latin America, a guy will ask any woman to dance, and take her hand while leading her to the floor if he loves the music and man… he does it well. Without pulling out 1984 break dancing moves, all he has to do is look at her and let her feel like the beautiful, fun woman that she is. And if there is no woman around, he will still break out salsa moves in a group with his guy friends.
If you think about it, why do you think straight women like gay men, other than smelling good, taking care of their appearance and dancing well? It’s because they are fun, and have no fear enjoying their friends. In many other cultures, men do join their guy friends for an afternoon chat over lunch and wine. In other countries, men are not afraid to approach and flirt with women, whistling at her as she walks down the street. It makes me realize that in our American culture, why we are attracted to entertainers, chefs, musicians and other artistic types. They have passion and love it. No chef cares if others will think he is gay if he is sipping a fantastic wine or pairing the perfect beer with an exceptional sandwich. They are just sharing their passion for the culinary arts. And that, for the men reading, is attractive. Take a lesson from the foreign, get some passion. Don’t just stand by the bar because that is what social convention here says you should do. If women like passion, positive outlooks, fun and proactive people who make no excuses for who they are, then take the hint.
Now… On to you ladies. I hate to be hard on the ladies, because I do love you all. However, stop being so damn tough. I know in the world of economic competitiveness not only with men, but with other women, we have become focused on being strong and independent, but for God’s sake let you fall into the feminine role sometimes. No wonder when couples get divorced or break up, they say their wife or partner (if a lesbian) was controlling or that they felt emasculated by their “female” counterpart. Women dress up and are looking great to go out, but then get offended if someone voices their attraction like it’s not OK. Do you want to feel attractive or not? Enjoy the accolades from those who profess it. It feels wonderful to feel sexy, wanted and attractive, so be flattered instead of making a grotesque face or voicing disapproval. I love being wanted and hearing that I’m hot even if I’m not interested in the person.
And please, by all means, don’t be a princess. Women put themselves on a pedestal. When someone else does, they are afraid of falling off. That insecurity is now on you. I was in a relationship with a woman who only wanted someone to take care of her. I also dated one who on the first date said she should be treated like a princess. It’s obvious to say, those didn’t work. I like a woman who has her own goals, but also cares for others. If I wanted to “take care” of someone, I’d have kids. You’re an adult, so act like it. I never need someone to take care of me. Yet, if there is a time, like having the flu, it is comforting to know that my girlfriend at the time held a soup pot under my face as I vomited and then stuck her finger in my mouth with toothpaste because she knew I didn’t like the taste of sickness. That moment was love! I would have done the same for her.
Finally, men and women, gay and straight, get this through your heads. Having friends and family involved in your relationships is natural. You are an extension of your family and friends, and in many cultures, a first date includes family and friends. I don’t know why it’s so scary, but don’t let it be. I dated a woman who had a blockade up when it came to friends and family. For me, if you want to know me then know them. They were around longer than you. They have formed my beliefs and personality. Quite frankly, if it wasn’t for some of them, I wouldn’t have a presence here, so appreciate and love that. Here in the US, we get so insecure and scared about what others think, that it’s understandable to be scared and make it a “big deal” to meet friends and family. But get over it! It’s common in every other culture but ours. Besides, you may enjoy a lot of love and laughs.
Other cultures start to date only when that is the person they want to form a relationship with. They don’t date around like we do. They enjoy times as a group until. We tend to date as many as possible, weeding out the “bad seeds”, because being single has a bad connotation, like you are not whole.
So, to wrap up Drinks with Jess, be whole with you, find passion and enjoy life. Stop being so hard ladies. And stop being so scared to be yourself men. To all, don’t stress about family and friends and be happy with each moment. That, my friends, is joy! Join me next week for another drink and enlightening conversation.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.