Hey everyone! It’s been a busy and amazing two weeks, full of new experiences that caused much reflection. Now I know that sometimes, I go off on a tangent, but I do believe that an experience can relate to many other aspects of our lives. You see, a part of expressing who you are and what you want is knowing the strength that you have. It’s about standing up for yourself with conviction. This isn’t only a quality that is attractive in the dating scene, but it is also necessary in business, with friends and sometimes with family members or people you don’t even know. So make a classic martini (one of the original tough guy drinks) and get ready to grow a spine while having a Drink with Jess.
To kick this off, I want to say thanks to all the readers and listeners out there. I enjoy seeing your Facebook comments and the thousands of emails that I’m receiving. However, at some point last week, I happened to get some very unsupportive, downright nasty, and slanderish comments from a few people in a certain Facebook group which I will not mention. Now I do believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion and to voice it, and that I can’t control what anyone says. So what does this have to do with dating and relationships? It is important and attractive to stand up for yourself. Have a backbone, but with character.
In this particular situation there were 3 ways that I could choose to handle it.
1. I could have replied back with just as much ego deflating, name throwing, and accusing to shut them down, but many times this enables more fighting which I don’t enjoy. Plus, I believe in bringing people together, not tearing them down.
2. I could have ignored it all, which many people say is the correct choice, and for many matters I agree. But when it comes to slander or defaming someone’s character, I’ll take a stand.
3. I could have, which I did, replied in a way that isn’t retaliative, but demonstrates my belief in myself and my work. I didn’t have to throw names around or any other harsh opinion I may have had. I handled it calmly and with integrity.
So in a dating situation or relationship situation, hell, even in a business situation, we often hear others acting harshly or reacting to someone else in a retalitative manner. It’s like I say, no one likes an angry lesbian. Don’t be that one! Even if you are standing up to the person that you are dating, having a backbone solely means standing up for yourself, your beliefs and your opinions. Don’t do it in a mean attitude-driven way, but in a calm and confident manner. This not only shows that you can handle yourself, but that will show your partner that you don’t take crap from anyone. This is the true tough guy mentality, not douche bag mentality. Plus, your partner or potential partner will know that you will stand up for them as well.
Go back in your mind, take a look at how you’ve handled yourself in situations where you did or could have stood up for yourself. Take a look at your actions or reactions on the scale of jellyfish to hero shrew. Seriously, the hero shrew has the strongest spine of all animals! And by all means, calmly sip that martini and join me again for Drinks with Jess.
Jess is a dating coach, best selling author, and radio personality in Philadelphia. She provides the LGBTQ community with no-nonsense, straight forward advice to understanding your mind in order to navigate the complex dating scene and go after and get the people you desire.